Monday, June 22, 2009

My aha moment

So I had this weird..."aha moment" today in therapy. Yes...I just quoted Oprah. 
For the longest time I tried to look for "ideal" friends. If they weren't exactly who I wanted them to be, I didn't put in effort to make a friendship work. I had a list of values and priorities that I felt needed to be met, and that someone worth my time would have. 
In having these "categories," I actually found people that made me incredibly miserable. People that required my attention all the time, people that were emotional, people who took advantage of me, in more just than just financial ways (because my parents had money!). People who just weren't positive people and brought me down, rather than up, which is why I was looking for these people in the first place. That is the person who I used to be, I found these types of friends because they mirrored who I was. But through therapy, and self-discovery, and separating myself from these people, and honestly - being a little bit selfish in order to take care of myself for a change, I've become someone new, my real self. 
What I discovered today is that, in not looking for the "ideal" friend, and just surrounding myself with people who make me happy, they have become my "ideal" friends. No, they may not be as emotional as I, they may not want to sit and just watch TV (which is good for me, it gets me active!). I've found just people who clearly have no drama whatsoever in their lives. They live simply, and happily. 
I put these people in lists in my head. I write them down in my handwriting, and decide what my best plans of action are. There are people I met when I was depressed and had no idea who I was. All I wanted was a friend, and they took advantage of that. There is someone who has known me through thick and thin, and never left my side, never judged me, loved me for who I was, knew who I was, when I didn't even know, sat with me when I cried, held me when I needed to be held. And then there are people that are my future. Who I want to be more like, who I want to surround myself with, and who just like me for me. 

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