texts from last night

Sorry about the ridiculous amounts of posts tonight. On textsfromlastnight and LOL (yea.I actually laughed out loud)

(410): Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
(301): Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..

(716): I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.

(totally reminds me of myself...lol. is that good or bad?)

(919): I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

(I hope only 2 of you understand why this means something to me)

(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. 

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

(303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

(630): Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.