Michael Jackson

I didn't grow up listening to Michael Jackson. I don't own any of his CD's. I don't have any of his music on my Itunes. The one thing I remember about my childhood is 7th grade choir class, we sang "Man in the Mirror". But since he's been gone, I think I'm slowly starting to see what everyone else had seen all along.

The night he died, my roommate and I watched Thriller the video over and over again. At the video music awards, I cried watching Janet dance and sing a duet with her deceased brother. And now, its 11:30 at night and Im watching an Oprah special finally seeing how lonely and scared he music have been during his life.

In one segment, he speaks about how his father used to beat him. How he physically got sick because he was so scared of "Joseph" as he called him. He said he had never told his father this, looked right at the camera, with fear in his eyes and said "daddy, dont be mad at me".

Oprah then begins to talk to Michael about his sex life and whether or not hes a virgin. He keeps saying over and over "Im a gentleman. Im a gentleman." This is not the way (at the time) 37 year old man acts. I felt so afraid and sad for him. I wish someone would have taken care of him.

I miss everything about you

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

***

Is it possible to still be in love with someone after all this time??

Through the years...

Ugh so Zoe did this little post about her hair through the decades. I definitely don't have pictures of me when I was a baby, but I've changed my hair so often that it deserves this:

Currently - I now work for Victoria's Secret and have to hide the tattoos on the back of my neck, so I wear extensions (clip-ins) about 80% of the time.
However during this time, I decided to get orange highlights. Which I LOVED. But they were too punky and I couldn't get a job with them, so they soon passed away.
Beginning 2009 - I decided I needed something new and got an asymmetrical haircut. I REALLY liked it for a while, but it was hard to style it any other way, so I wore it this way for about 5 months and then cut it back to the shorter side.

2008 - Blurry, but I decided to bleach my hair. It lasted about 2 days before I dyed it back dark dark brown. But during these few days, the only pictures are with me with a hat on.

2008 - Ended up dying my hair REALLY light that summer. I should NEVER be blonde.

Late 2008 - Still the same cut. But a little more sophisticated. I got chunky bangs and put in some blonde highlights. I would kill to be able to recreate this look again!
Freshman Year 2008 - My boyfriend at the time really liked blonde and black hair together, the blonde didn't work out, and I ended up dying my entire head black and got this really punky cut and spiked it in the back. Its kinda cute I think.

Freshman Year 2008 - This is right after I got my extensions out and had my hair dyed a dark red. I actually really like this cut on me, and the color. I'm even happy with the length.
Late 2007 - Summer before freshman year, This is when I spent all my graduation money ($800!!!) to get extensions put in. I did love them though.

Late 2007 - Summer before freshman year. This is as closest to my natural color and hair texture that I can remember seeing it.

Senior year 2007ish - I had cut my hair really short again, and dyed it lighter, probably a mix of all the crazy highlights I had gotten.

Junior Year - My senior picture was taken Junior year. I loved my hair. I wish I could wear my hair like this all the time.

Junior Year 2005 - Still longish. Dyed it pretty dark. Almost black! I had gotten it curled for Junior Prom. Looking back, I definitely could have curled it myself lol.

Junior Year 2005 - My hairs at a really nice length and I took these pictures RIGHT after I dyed it. I thought I looked pretty hot at the time. My hairs really fried.
Freshman year 2003 - With Liz. I have spent since then trying to get my hair to be this color. And my bangs like that. And that texture. Nope. It shall never be like that again.

attack of the exs

Im pretty sure who ever is up there looked down on me this weekend and said "lets make this the most confusing weekend EVER! bam! Attack of the ex boyfriends!"

So last night I went to the Ferrison show at the Metro, which was fantastic, and Kyle was there. Proceeded to talk vaguely, he spilled his beer down the front of my shirt, we talked, I became all googly eyed once again, gave him a really nice hug when I left, he asked for my number, and we went our separate ways.

Later that night, turns out he is at Dean's after-party. Continues to text me, tells me he's sorry profusely, discusses with me how he's in the midst of breaking up with his girlfriend, and trying to move out. Then asks me if I'm over him. How am I supposed to answer that? I've waited 2 years to have this conversation. Of course I say no. I'm not over him. There's still a bit of the person I feel in love with in there. Tell him all this, and we end the night hooking up in the alley. Yea...I'm an idiot.

He tells me he wants to get together today, around 3. Tells me he'll text me in the morning. Never heard from him. Did I expect to? A little bit. Oh well.

I spent the day with my mom, knowing John and I were going to order some food tonight and relax and chill. Turns out he had a long night, and then is watching the game, so I go to drop something off at his house at 11:00, cause I'm too tired to hang out and kinda pissed off that we didn't hang out early. So he meets me on the curb, and gives me this big hug, and fucking kisses me. WHAT THE FUCK??!! Seriously, lets mess with this girls emotions. I was shocked and taken aback and just kind of ignored it. He seemed a little confused that I ignored it, and I just got in my car and drove away.

I'm intrigued to find out how this all plays out. The soap opera of my life...

Kate Nash

So I'm sitting in Caribou, and a song came on that I haven't listened to in a long time comes on. I listened to it a lot when me and Kyle were together and even more when we broke up. I don't know why it made my heart sink. This is exactly the way I felt when I was with him and knew that it would never happen. It's such a sad, haunting song. I haven't seen him in so long, and I still can't figure out why he's so special. 

John's birthday is Thursday, two days from now. I know I want to write him  letter, tell him how much I love him, how much he means to me, how much he's saved me. And I don't know what to write. I can't get Kyle out of my head enough. 

Kate Nash - The Nicest Thing

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

August 25th, Day 51!

August 25th is day 51!!

Such a long time, and such nice things to my hair. 

Day 47, August 21st

August 21st, Day 47. Everythings going as well as can be. I like my hairs texture a lot more when I don't use shampoo. Next time I have the money, Ill be buying more Jungle shampoo and liquifying it. Solid Shampoos are great, but NOT conditioners.

Took a Lush Bath last night with:

Ocean Salt (used it on my feet)

Running to the Embassy (trying to get rid of it)

MMM melting marshmellow Moments (got it for free)

It was relaxing, but I will definitely not repurchase MMM. 

Expect a LUSH haul within the next few weeks.